Going...Going...Gone

Poem of the Day

FUTURE’S BECKONING RING

Summer turns to Autumn,
the Spring passes on
Winter storms are blowing,
snowing in my mind
Life embers glimmer,
hope eternal springs
Another era closing,
future's beckoning ring.
Memories floating backwards,
time long gone
future days emerging
sing another song.


Dad
They moved my dad to another hospital. I guess they thought they'd better get him out of there while they could. The removed the respirator and tube from his skull. My brother saw him the same day they moved him. They didn't tell anyone. His wife showed up the next morning and he was gone! She's going to hire a lawyer. She finally found where he was and after a lot of red tape was allowed in the room. They had been feeding him through a nose tube and had a lot of other monitors hooked to him, but not at this hospital. She said nothing was being done and he had just been taken off the critical list.

Brother
My brother called the next day and told me that his wife was divorcing him. She just came home and said she was moving out that night, that she had rented a duplex next to her mother and wanted a divorce. He was heart-broken. Not that their marriage was perfect, far from it, but I don't think he expected that.

Hubby
Hubby is still doing the military thing. He's been gone a week and still has another to go. I'll go with him in June. He wrote me a beautiful poem, but doesn't want me to share it.

My Dog
My dog, a collie/lab mix is a sneak! He sneaks into the kitchen when everyone is busy and scouts the counter tops for food and then snatches it. Last week he ate a whole batch of brownies and tonight he grabbed some hamburger patties. Oh, when I catch him, he's gonna get it!

Son
Son's school counselor caught him at school Friday and told him that by Monday if he had not brought his paper back showing that he was working and signed by his parent's that he would be sitting in 3 hours of study-hall. He's been busy trying to find a job. He went on an interview today, but I don't know if he got the job or not.

He's also head-over-hills in love with a Sophomore at school. He wants to marry her and says that if he can't he doesn't want to get married. She's very pretty and very tall, 5'9 to be exact. She's moving to Virginia this summer and son says he is going too. Her step-dad doesn't like him and is a detective. Son's girlfriend told him that he had checked up on him and found out that he had been in trouble with the law and has forbidden her to see him. She can't call him from home and is sneaking to see him. I don't think it is a good situation and I don't think a police detective should abuse his authority in this manner, but I always told Son that actions create consequences either for the good or the bad and once you have a bad reputation, people will look at that instead of you.

Well, I have to get up early and visit my student teachers so, I'm out of here.

Poem of the Day

MAGIC
Magic…
as thoughts swirled around my brain
and feelings awakened within my body.
Magic still, in the way I feel
when I happen upon your face in a moment
undiscovered.
Heart skips a beat in abject defeat
as I see you walk away
fingers entwined
the smiling eyes
aren’t meant for me, but another.
Then misery discovered
in the pulsating pain
tattooed, seared, within my brain.
Wishing for a moment, a chance,
happenstance
something to happen that will break this trance
of the hold you have on my very soul
never knowing, the price it's extolled.
So, I close the book on the tattered refrain
of the silly love song that plays
unrestrained
going round in an endless circle
then coming to rest;
in the weariness of acceptance.

Busy Day
I had a busy day today. My daughter and I went to Lowes to get some wallpaper and then to the mall. When we got back I had an e-mail from a student that needed answering and then Son wanted to take an application by for a job he wants. My daughter took him on her way to take a test and I waited to go get my other daughter. I just got home with her and Son calls and says he doesn't know his sister's cell phone number and has used all his money for this phone call. I call her cell and she doesn't answer so I figure she's still taking the test. I go get him. When we get back, daughter is here so she could have gotten him on her way home. Then we decide to put the wall paper up, but it says not to put it over any other wallpaper so I cut out a small piece and glued it on what's already there to see if it will stick. If it does, too bad I am going to stick the stuff up there tomorrow.

Dad
My brother went to see my dad today. He is still listed in critical condition and they still don't know why he won't get well. They took the tube out of his skull today and took him off the respirator, but my brother said when he closed his eyes he nearly stopped breathing and the monitor flat-lined. He said he can't talk well or put his legs together and now has no control over his bowels. He said he had lost a tremendous amount of weight and didn't know how old he was. He seems to understand, but there are physical things wrong. They say he may have something wrong with his liver or pancreas. Anyway, my brother doesn't think that if he makes it through this illness that he will ever be the same.

I'm tired, so I'm out of here.

Poem of the Day

DEBORAH

You know those little monkeys,
who speak, hear, or see nothing?
They are my idols, my goal in life
I kind of like them, they’re really funky
And just like those little monkeys,
I avoid each and every something.
The stance I take is none at all,
However, I’ll watch you take the fall.
I have no backbone guts or glory
I’m yellow as they come
Like an ostrich with head in sand,
I’ll never do it, won’t make a stand.
To do so, would cause me harm
And that of course, is cause for alarm
So I’ll play this little game, if it’s all the same to you
I’ll sit real still, won’t say a word
and pretend I haven’t a clue.

Student
I had a student cry today after giving grades back, but I had to give the grade earned. The project she was working on was very good. It was the format that wasn't followed and some other criteria. I even showed them the specific criteria I would be looking for and it was right in their handbook. Like I told them, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." I lead them right to the water with the exact criteria to the exact rubric that would be used for grading purposes. I felt sorry for her, but she got the grade she earned.

Hooptie
Got beside a hooptie car today at a red light. The guy inside revved his engine once or twice belching puffs of smoke into the cars face behind him and then slowly swiveled his face in my direction. I had the perception that a couple of teeth were missing in the flashy grin he gave me which ironically matched the busted grill on the front of his car. So I'm looking at him wondering what he's up to when he revs his engine again. I take this to mean he wants to "race" me. I'm sittin' in a TransAm Firebird and he's sittin' in a hooptie with a busted front-end and he wants to race. When the light goes green I just leave normally like I always do. I look in my mirror and here the hooptie comes putting along for all it's worth but now it's smoking from both ends. He's trying to catch me and I feel kind of sorry for his old hooptie because it looks like it's going to drop dead any moment. The last I saw of him he's still trying to catch me and I could swear I saw paint chips flying off as he tried to speed along. Go figure!

In and Out
My dad remains in the hospital. They have put a tube in his skull to drain the fluid. His wife said there are six doctors working on his case and none of them know why he is not improving. She said she asked about the HIV test, but they did not tell her whether it was positive or not and she's not one to push for an answer. She finally asked for them to tell her if he was getting better or worse and the doctor would only say that his vital signs were stable. He's on morphin and out of it most of them time. The meningitis has affected his speech.

Son
You know how I mentioned that son had been quiet for awhile and that it would not last; well, his dad went to do the Army thing for a couple of weeks and tonight was when Son was supposed to go to his counseling. Of course, he didn't and said he would not go. I can't make him physically and even though I have been the woman who has taken care of him for 13 years, I have no legal way to make him go. It's a major downer. He does these things whenever his dad is gone. I told him that if he would not respect me then I would not give him gas money, he could ride the bus. He's on the bus as far as I'm concerned and will not receive his allowance.

Later

Poem of the Day

LAST

This child of mine, the last to be called
came to earth stubborn and bold
part her dad and part her mom
the stubbornness I think, came from dad.

Quick witted and smart too
temper mixed in, that just won’t do
calm her down just a bit
stop that little temper fit.

Loose lips don’t sink ships
but sassy mouths can get you quick
one of these she surely has
again I think it comes from dad.

What to do with a sassy mouth
sometimes I think she’s headed south
all in all she’s a really good kid
I’ll blame it all on dad instead.

Birthday
Today is my daughter's 12th birthday. Of course, she's a St. Patrick's Day baby. She used to hate her birthday because her brother would call her a leprechaun. She hated that! It's funny how things change because now she loves being born on the 17th of March.

Son
Son went to his first counseling session yesterday. He doesn't think it will help, but I do. Of course, he has to want the help. He will have numerous drug tests done to keep him straight at least, for awhile. He's got a good counselor and will be in group, family, and individual counseling. He is finding out that until he is of age, he can't get a decent job or move out or do everything he wants. He's doing ok for now, but that's the way it always is; he'll go months without doing anything silly and then BOOM, here we go again.

Rambling
I'm ready for spring now. It has snowed the last 2 days and my kids tell me that the flowers are up at home and the trees budding; which brings me to another subject; Oklahoma. It has always amused me the way people describe Oklahoma.

Some of the questions I've been asked and statements people have made about Oklahoma:
Does it snow in Oklahoma? (Yes)
Isn't the whole state of Oklahoma mostly Indian's? (No)
Are there Indians there? (Yes)
Do the Indians ride horses? (Just for pleasure like other people do.)
Do the Indians really wear their hair in braids? (Some of them do)
Do Indians wear feathers in their hair? (Some do.)
Do they carry bow and arrows? (No)
Doesn't Oklahoma only have dirt roads? (We do have a lot of dirt roads, but we also have interstates and other paved roads.)
What is a tornado? (A huge storm of twirling wind that sucks things up in it.)
Where do you go when one comes? (Hopefully, underground. If you don't have a cellar, then to the inner most part of your house on the lowest level.)
Oklahoma is not very creative. (Prove it!)
Oklahoma is flat. (We have very small mountains too and it's nowhere near as flat as Indiana.)
Is everyone a cowboy? (No)
Do you have to wave and say hello to everyone? (Yes, or you're thought of as unfriendly.)

Indiana
I like Indiana a lot, but I have some questions too:
Why are there corn fields on every corner?
Where does your rural area begin and end?
If Terre Haute began in 1832, where are all your historical buildings?
Where do all the vans with large women in them come from?
Why don't people stop at stop signs?
Who taught you to drive?
Why is there only one major highway from Evansville to Indy?
What is that funny smell when you come in to Terre Haute?
Why do you think an F-0 tornado is a big thing?
Why do you complain that it is hot when it's in the 80's or mid 90's? (In Oklahoma you'll have over 100 degree temperatures for nearly the whole month of August.)

I really do like Indiana. The people are nice, you don't have to wave or smile or honk at everyone. I like the weather. The corn fields are neat and schools great.

I'm out of here.

Poem of the Day

BLINDED

The people look, but do not see
the wickedness and apathy
of the man that steers the helm
their vision clouded within his realm.

Ever looking, never seeking
the truth within their view
jumping blindly without plan
believing in the man.

Illusions trick the sense of right
masking reality
images that seem to be
mirages become the truth.

So the people sit and stare
at what they really don’t see
living life ill at ease
engulfed in all this strife.

Someday soon the clock will chime
forcing much discord
the silent mouths will have to choose;
abolish or condone the crimes.

Until then the curtain falls
upon the sleeping minds
slumbering on in stupid silence
blind leading blind.

MASK

The faces presented to this old world
often mask what is real inside
Inside reality
versus outside formality
Inward insecurity
Outward absurdity
The question is; what is real
What is showed or what is closed
The viewer please, approach with caution
Open eyes is one such option.

Dad
My dad is worse. He went into a coma again and his immune system will not work properly. The Dr. is testing him for Aids. I am not surprised. He has been in prison for nearly 5 years now.

"Been in prison," I don't know how I feel about that statement. It has been hard on my brother and me. Just remember, when you do something, it affects more people than just yourself; you will not be the only one paying. My brother and I have fended off a lot of questions because of what my dad did. What he did has nothing to do with us, but we are paying the price too. Even my mother who has been divorced from him for nearly 30 years has been asked questions about why he is in prison. It has affected my husband as well because when he was up for his top secret clearance, my dad's situation had to be told about which could have stopped him from getting it.

It's not fair, but life rarely is; is it. It's not fair that my husband's job should be put in jeopardy because of something my father did. It's not fair that my brother, mother and I must also be placed on trial for what my father has done. It's not fair that my children can't talk about their grandfather because to do so might reveal the fact of where he is.

It's embarrassing. It could be humiliating, if I allowed it to be, but I won't. Many people were shocked when he was convicted, he is so charming after all. Ah, but that's where the truth was hidden. Even as a child, I knew something was wrong with him. I did not like him nor he me. He was in the military when I was born, in fact I was paid for with money won from playing poker. I didn't see him or know him until I was nearly 2, but I knew at that young age something was wrong and wondered why my mother didn't see what I did.

I love him because he had a hand in giving me life and because I feel compassion for him that he has made such a mess of his life and now, all the things he hid from others through his life is hitting him square in the face. He has no place to hide and the life he has led may take his life.

The doctors don't know yet if it is aids or not, but like I said, I won't be surprised. I am not shocked by anything he does. I just feel pity and wonder if he realizes or cares that what he has done with his life has caused his children to pay a price also; one they should never have been asked to pay.

Don't think that consequences won't catch up with you. My dad did not start paying until his late 60's after a full life of fooling and charming people. Now everyone is shocked about his situation and he is laying in a hospital fighting for his life while the story of his life, spills out getting worse and worse and revealing more and more secrets of his true self.

Poem of the Day

FOREVER FOR ALWAYS

As deep as the ocean, as high as the sky
forever for always my love will abide
Through thick and thin, through the course of our lives
I’ll love you for always in spite of life’s strife.
I love you today, tomorrow much more
forever for always I’ll not shut the door.
In a hundred forever’s my love will not change
forever for always my love will remain.

Busy
I've been busy with my dad. He is still in bad condition with the meningitis and keeps improving for a while and then will have a relapse and go back in ICU. He went into a type of coma yesterday and they are running some more tests on him to determine why he is not getting better. My brother is keeping me informed and will call later to let me know how things are going.

Son has not gotten in major trouble for awhile. He has not made up his after school detention yet and the school said if he didn't they would not allow him to graduate. So, trouble is just around the corner if he doesn't do what has to be done. He begins his counseling tomorrow. Hopefully, it will be a help to him.

Except for my dad, life has been quiet for awhile, so I'll be back later when something more has happened.

Poem of the Day

SWEET AGONY

The feelings that flow
through my heart to my soul,
circle round in an endless loop
and come again to rest on you.

Sweet agony, pain amid strife
Loving you, a need in life
Time ticks on, yet stands quite still
While sweet agony drinks its fill.


Quick Update
I've been very busy with my Dad, but I'll update now. Dad had a relapse. They moved him from ICU and the next day he ran a high fever. They moved him back into ICU and everyone has to wear masks again. One scan showed he had blood on the brain. They were going to do another one today. There is brain damage, but they don't know yet how much. He could not breathe on his own so they had him on a respirator. He's off that now, but his lips are horribly swollen and disfigured. His hands are swollen too. He's not able to talk much and it is still touch and go.

I have also been busy writing on my book and hope to finish it soon.

Later

Poem of the Day

LIVING LIFE

Close the window on your past
open to a new beginning
encounter life, as a good book
living from beginning to finish.

Update

It's been awhile since I blogged, I know, but there is a reason. My dad had meningitis and was listed in critical condition in the hospital. He is back home in Oklahoma and I was getting info through his wife. The first day she called she would not say what was wrong, just that he was in the hospital. My husband tracked down where he was and the nurse told us he was in critical condition. I found out through another source the problem was meningitis. Meningitis can cause severe brain-damage and numerous other side-effects. At this point he has been down-graded to serious, but stable and will have to have some type of rehabilitation afterwards. They don't know how much if any brain damage has occurred or what side-effects he will encounter. One out of ten people die when they have this illness. My brother went up to see him and said he knew who he was. He is keeping me informed of Dad's progress.

Son was released from his job after 3 days because he was not 18. The lady who hired him said she would probably lose the position she had because of her mistake. They told him when he turned 18, to come back and they would rehire him. So goes life with Son.

On Another Note
I'm tired and need a good vacation. Any suggestions on places to go? I'm up for anything.

I'm out of here till next time.

Poem of the Day

TROUBLE

Life with its ups and downs
can bring you neatly to the ground.
Silently creeping, nary a sound
then all at once, trouble abounds.

Job
Son got a job. He worked until 1a.m. last night. He has enough credits to graduate now so he is in the process of deciding whether to go now, or wait. Hopefully, the job will keep him too tired and busy for all the other stuff he was doing. Maybe this will be the turn around. I hope so.

Not too much has been going on and I'm thankful for that! Son gave me enough the last go-round! I finally got my vacuum going. It is under warranty, but the repair place is in Paris, Illinois and it took a month to get everything. Now I can truly vacuum again. I had to use my old one while waiting and it didn't do anything. It's pretty sad when the highlight of your week is getting your vacuum back!

Maybe more will happen later.