Going...Going...Gone

Poem of the Day

WITHOUT A SOUND

With nary a sound I say goodbye
all the hurt bound deep inside
never again to see the face
of the man my love embraced.

Lost love I carry now
and deep sorrow creases my brow
emotions deep, run silent, not still
the true measure I cannot reveal.

He, himself doesn't really know
how much my love for him did grow
fate making an impossible match
now love must fade, the heart unlatch.

How long will pain abide
within my heart my sad soul cries
how long till I forget
the one with whom my heart did knit?


Dracula Has anyone read Dracula? It is one of the best books I've ever read. If they would just make a movie the way the book reads, it has the potential to be one of the best movies ever made. It's also interesting because it was written over 100 years ago and you get a glimpse of how things were then and some of the science and medical theories at that time. And, the descriptions of what it was like in places such as Turkey and Transylvania are interesting. I highly recommend the book.

I am trying to give up "pop" as we call it in Oklahoma. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's soda, soda pop, coke, etc. I've cut down from 4 a day to only one. It has been easier than I thought it would be. Without all the caffeine, I can sleep better. Now, if only my cats will let me sleep. They both wake me up around 12:30 wanting out. The yellow one will go, but the female won't if it's too cold to suit her. This happens every night. Grrrrr!

Hot Tub; But What's The Use? We have a hot tub, but one sad thing, it's outside with no cover over it to keep the elements off. Several nights ago, I want to sit in it. I go out there and it feels so good except it begins to rain. I don't want to get out so I have my daughter bring me the umbrella. She said I looked so funny sitting in that hot tub because you couldn't see anything but the top of my head and an umbrella poking up out of the water. That's been my last dip for awhile because now it snows.

We have to leave for the airport at 6am and I am not a morning person. I get most of my energy after 10am. I don't look forward to getting up and leaving so early and riding for an hour and back again and all because the airport is on "high alert."

What To Do Here's a problem we're having. We owner-financed our house in Poteau to (don't tell me, I already know) a FRIEND (my husband made me.) I didn't think it was a good idea from the start because my friend and I had already discussed that she and I didn't want to be involved in the entire thing. Well, she's married to a guy that doesn't attend to business and she doesn't make that much herself. She's ended up having to make the payments. The Nov. payment was sent (late as usual) and it bounced. The Dec. payment has not arrived even though we were told it was in the mail. They were supposed to get back to us and let us know what they were going to do. That was the 10th. It throws us into a situation because I have not been able to find a job here yet and our income has been cut severely. It's beginning to stress me. So... How would any of you handle the situation?

Well, have a good day.

Poem of the Day

CHORUS TEN

I never thought this would happen to us
How many times has that thought been put down
on paper or song to find it was wrong

I never thought these tears I would cry
or leaving you or saying goodbye
would cause such pain,
clinging to a tattered refrain of our love

Years have passed while our song played
chorus 10 won't play again
These tears that drop splinter like glass
in the reverberating sound of our last dance

Lingering in the quiet halls of hope,
the radio plays, I turn down the volume
holding memories close to my heart
and brace myself for one last dance

How can it be, in this time of our lives
that one of us could leave the other
crying in the rain

No, don't try to explain, your eyes say it all
so one last kiss and one last dance
will close this life-long romance
the ending of a sweet love song.

We went to the employee Christmas party last week given by the staff on hourly wage. It seems not too many administrators go to these parties and they seemed pleased we showed up. It was a little different in that the men wouldn't dance, so we women did. I've always marveled at how insecure men are when they think they might make a fool of themselves and how women just go for it. You won't catch guys dancing with each other, but they will cry and pat each others rear-end during sports events. Go figure.

I love snow and have enjoyed the 3 or 4 times it has already snowed here in Indiana. So far, it has not stayed around too long, but it did stay 2 days after having snowed this past weekend. Basically, all I care about regarding snow is that I can drive and that has been the case to date.

I interviewed for adjunct faculty last week. It would only be part-time, but that is what I am shooting for at present. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

The airports are on high alert at present so that means I'll be setting out at 6a.m. this week to take my daughter to the airport. It's an hour drive, but at least there's no snow or ice in the forecast for that day.

I've got a lot to do the rest of this week and I'm getting a little stressed about it. We're going home for the holidays and I still have some things I need to get done before I go. I've got some Christmas shopping left. The house needs to be nice and clean before we leave; I have to take my daughter to the airport, and blah, blah, blah. So much to do, so little time.

Yesterday, I took my son to the Dr. due to hurting his foot in basketball on Sunday. We thought he might have broken it, but it is just severely sprained and will be sore for about 6 wks. He and basketball just don't mix sometimes. Last year at this time, he ruptured a kidney while playing. For us, it's been an expensive game! He was in the hospital for a week with the ruptured kidney and this year, x-rays and emergency room fees.

Well, have a good day!

Poem of the Day

GRANDMA'S HANDS

Gnarled hands full of time
stroke the hair of a child of mine
clean red mud off tiny shoes
wipe away tears for a child of two.

An upturned face, a small voice cries
Grandma, Grandma, oh how I want that.
Then an older one in reply,
answers softly by and by.

Time marches on,
the world goes round
silently, silently,
Grandma's love abounds.

Christmas: When did you stop believing in Santa? To tell you the truth, Santa Clause scared the ba geebies out of me when I was a kid! Around 5 years old, I thought Santa Clause lived upstairs at the local Sears. Now why would I think such a thing? The year before, that's where I went to see him. The whole next year I was afraid to go upstairs in that old Sears building because I just knew Santa was at the top of those stairs. To even go into the store inspired awe in me!

A whole year rolls around and it's getting close to Christmas again. My little brother is running up and down the stairs that lead up to Santa's house. I keep telling him to stop, Santa lives up there, but that only makes him run all the way to the top. His foot is on the last step before he enters Santa's house. I plead with him not to go, but to no avail. Then all the sudden, he turns the landing on the stairs. I'm hot on his heels sure Santa will be standing there to nab him; "when what to my wondering eyes did I find, a room full of appliances with no Santa to see." My eyes scan the room trying to take in the scene before me. Why is there furniture and refrigerators, but no Santa? I look to the spot where I had last seen him. Where is his throne? Where are his Elves? My mind conjures up the Santa scene from last year. I can see him so vividly. Still, no Santa.

"You're stupid," my brother yells.

That's when I stopped believing in Santa.

Poem of the Day

FULL SAILS AHEAD

She’s leaving, going away
Growing up, in the middle of today
On wobbling legs she’s setting out
Pushing forward, to a new found route
Looking onward, let her have her head
The wind behind her, it’s full sails ahead
While I watch as the sun sets low
Missing her, but letting go
Likening her to a new born roan
Allowing her to stand on her own
Mother instincts, a watchful eye
Letting her loose, alone to fly
The last to go, of those three
Head held high, spirit free
Joining the rest, she’ll pass the test
In this venture she’ll do her best.

It's been a busy week so far. I went to a new hair dresser today. I think I'll stay with her because she listened to what I wanted. Even though I liked the one I was using, she wouldn't cut my hair as short as I wanted. So... of with the old and on with the new.

Tomorrow I go to a new Dr. to see if the infection I had before has returned. I hope not. I don't care to repeat it. Then tomorrow afternoon, I go for a job interview at a local university. Wish me well.

Yesterday our bank called and told us our renters check had bounced twice. Yuck! I hate that, but you get into those kinds of things with renters. Anyway, the wife had made out the check and her husband spent out of the account before the check cleared. Hopefully, things will work out before something has to be done.

Tomorrow night my daughter sings in her school choir for Christmas. I'm looking forward to hearing the kids sing.

Then today, my son’s counselor called and read me this paper he wrote in one of his classes. He was talking about what if you knew you were going to die, what would you do on your last day and he mentioned all this stuff like maybe you'd tell someone you loved them or hated them, maybe you'd rob the smoke shop, or take drugs. She asked me if I thought he was suicidal. I don't. He likes to do things and then see what kind of reaction he will get. He got more than he expected because now he has to go see the counselor once a week.

My son’s mother is Philippi no and funny even though she doesn't mean to be. She's kind of mean, but I like her ok. She has a thick accent even though she's been in the U.S. for many years now and sometimes, you can't understand her very well. Whenever she talks to my husband she'll ask him "why he such a stoo-pid man, and why he raise such a stoo-pid boy?" One time she was talking about driving from California to Kansas and she said, "I dwive and I dwive and I get tired so I pull in station and I shit and I shit." All the kids were listening and giggling and one of the kids ask why she shit and shit, but what she really meant was "I sit and I sit". I finally figured out what she was saying because she would shake her leg each time she said shit and that meant her leg was asleep. It was funny.

Once she called and sang Happy Birthday except she says Hawpee birfday to you. She sang the whole thing and no matter who answers the phone she'll tell them she loves them before she hangs up. Once she came in our house and said, "Those are ugee curtains, I don't like them." I told her I agreed, did she want them? She said, "No they ugee." She's a blast!

Anwyay, have a good evening.

Poem of the Day

God's shakin' out his feather duster
And it changes form
And falls
down
down
down
Assuming an identity all its own
Before landing on you...
Before landing on me...
And its unique identity
And my unique identity
And our unique identity
Meet and mingle
And
Laughter bubbles up
Echoing into the vast whiteness
And smiles come out
And the two disengage
One melting
And only one unique identity
Walks away


Since my husband and I went to carpentry class on our anniversary, Saturday we took a day trip to Nashville Indiana. It is on a small scale, like Eureka Springs Arkansas. It's much hillier than any other part of Indiana that I've seen and had a lot of quaint, little shops. I however, have a gripe about places like this. I wanted to do some Christmas shopping, but for the most part, all these stores had were Christmas stuff. I don't like to give things like that for Christmas because you can't enjoy them all year round. My question; why do businesses like these stock so much Christmas stuff and so few gift items? It was 2 hours away and although a pretty little town, I'm not sure I would have spent the whole day looking in the shops if I had known nearly everything in them would be Christmas things.

So... The people across the street have had a lot of work done on their house and now they are having something done outside. I can't figure out what, but the guys who work there are creepy especially the little, dumpy one. He stands out in their yard every time my daughter or I drive by and just stares and he'll walk a little bit and turn around and stare again. It makes me uncomfortable. A man did that when I went in a restaurant too and stared at me the whole time I was in there. Maybe this is something they do regionally in Indiana, I don't know, but I wish they wouldn't.

I don't think the antibiotics they gave me cleared up the infection I had for good. I think it's coming back and now, I'll have to go to the Dr. again! I'd really rather not; and since I don't have a regular Dr., I have to find one to go to. It's so much trouble and so much extra money!

A girl that travels on the same road my daughter does all the time got pulled over by a fake cop. He had flashing lights on top of the car like they do on unmarked cars. The girl pulled over and then the guy hits her in the head and robs her! She had to have stitches and was around the same age my daughter is. They think they've caught the guy now, but it was scary because that is a well traveled road and it could very easily have been my daughter he pulled over.

Post Script To Today

Here's something that falls into the "I can't believe I just saw that" category. I'm taking my daughters out to eat and we're traveling along Poplar Street at a good clip. We get almost to the last stop light before turning onto the main road when we spot something out in the road up ahead. It seems to be a huge, white, crinkly sack (one of those big ones that you carry your humongous purchases in like you get in the mall.) Anyway, the sack appears to be full of air as if a big puff of wind were propelling it along but as we get closer, we see that a tire is in the sack and it's rolling along at a good clip. The car ahead of us has to stop to let the tire cross the road and the tire ramps up the hill into a tire place. Pretty soon we see a guy casually walking out of the garage of the tire store and he proceeds to follow the tire. He sees that his casual gait isn't doing the job and he begins to speed up his pace. He's acting like he hopes no one sees this, kind of like when you trip over something and casually look around to see if anyone saw you. So now he's loping after this tire in its giant white sack and the tire is trying to roll itself across the parking lot headed toward 3rd Street. The guy doesn't want it to roll onto 3rd Street because it would be in major traffic so he has a burst of speed and finally catches the silly thing. The tire seemed to roll faster the closer he got.

It was funny because the tire seemed to have an idea of where it wanted to go. It never fell over and it stayed in that huge sack the whole time. It look like someone had purchased it and the tire store had put it in this sack and then handed it to the customer so they could just carry it out. I have never seen such a huge sack nor have I seen a tire in a sack. The tire was not small either. Everyone was laughing. Once the guy caught the tire, he continued to act as if it was just part of his job to chase a tire in a huge sack. My daughter said she saw the tire come out of McDonald's parking lot and cross the street. I didn't see it until it was in the middle of the street.

Go figure!

Poem of the Day

STRUNG UP TIGHT

The dreadful weight of this hatful place
hangs around my shoulders
A heavy load, I’m forced to bear
engulfs me like a girdle.

Strung up tight, forced to fight
a banter weight I am
yet I will be the heavy weight
before this whole thing ends.

Yesterday was my anniversary. I spent it in carpentry class; not the most romantic place to be. It was the last night however, so that's where we went. My husband sent me a dozen red roses though.

Poteau:The ten year accreditation was coming up. Joseph needed my husband to get the college through it. He did too, with flying colors. The college was accredited for another 10 years with no stipulations which is nearly unheard of. For the entire time we were there, my husband applied for various jobs across the country. We didn't get the proof, but know that Joseph was giving bad references. No one would come right out and say so, but implied it. I told my husband he should just go into each interview letting the people know what was going on in Poteau.

The situation had become more than just unbearable; it had become a health crisis for the entire family. Both my husband's and my income came from this place and one man had the power to take all the years of hard work we'd put into our life and family away with one lie.

On December 6th, 2002, Joseph dropped the bomb. It was the last day before Christmas vacation when the college would be closed until after New Years. Joseph called my husband into his office and told him that he was not going to recommend to the board that he be rehired in January. He handed him a pack of lies in written form and sent him out into an uncertain future. My husband had done nothing except tell Joseph that he was not scared of him when Joseph told him he should be. The college enrollment had increased since my husband had taken the job, he got the college through the accreditation with flying colors, Joseph had hindered his being able to move to another job because he needed him for the accreditation and when it was a sure thing, then dumped him.

My husband went to both the local paper and one in Arkansas. They took the story and it made front page news. He called all the regents and told them the story. I knew this would do no good because they had already backed this unethical and dishonest man for 30 years. (It's my opinion that no college president or board should be in power for this amount of time. I stand by my opinion of the man and board as well.)

I would love to put the accusations out for all to see and my husband’s response, but it would take way too much time and energy. Let's just say that both the regent's and Joseph were entirely unethical, dishonorable and corrupt in my opinion. My husband was supposed to tell his side at a meeting and the board totally dishonored that. The papers were there again and again, it hit the news. This time the papers contacted former employees and also the former VP and printed direct quotes from them backing what my husband had to say. People that were going to speak for my husband were called up and told not to show up at the meeting. Joseph implicated accreditation members in his lies stating they had made comments about my husband when in fact, they had not. We know this because my husband spoke directly to the people Joseph indicated had said something negative about my husband.

I applied for a job at OSU in October and got an interview. By December, I had not heard anything. My husband was to receive pay until June when his contract ended. In the mean time, he interviewed and was hired for a job in Indiana after disclosing the entire thing at CASC. One day later, I was offered the job at OSU but had to turn it down due to my husband’s job. I worked at CASC until April and then quit. Ironically, I was rehired at CASC due in large I think, to the fact I had contacted a lawyer about my contracts and had a possible law suit. My husband left in May for his new job and my kids and I stayed in Poteau until school was out.

My husband lost his job, but we had documented proof that CASC had not handled money properly in the federal programs and pulled off having the college audited. They are now paying money back. Our name was not even allowed to be mentioned in the college by anyone.

Many people came up to us and told us they supported us for what we had done, that it needed to be done. Before we left, one of my daughter's friends that didn't even know her parent's were connected with the college went around town telling the kids that Joseph's 66 year old wife Melba, had offered him $500 to sleep with her. She told this kid that her husband was gay and told the kid with whom. His being gay was a rumor that I had heard before many times. I think he is bi-sexual myself, but who knows.

Thus ends the saga of Poteau. I learned many things about people and myself during this experience. There are practically no laws that protect the employee in the work environment. Documentation is very important if you're in a bad situation. Your rights to freedom of speech are stifled in these types of situations. The most important thing both my husband and I learned was to keep your integrity intact and stand up for yourself. When you have a bully for a boss they can make your life unbearable. Chances are they're going to can you anyway. GO DOWN FIGHTING!!!

A book that really helped us in our fight is entitled The Bully at Work by Gary and Ruth Namie. I would recommend it to anyone who is in this type of situation at work. We found out too late, but the book gives information on a place that for a small fee will do a reference check on employers to see if they are giving you a had reference. It has been accepted as documented proof and can be used in court.

To all who have ever been in our situation and to all who may be, you have my heart felt sympathy. You can come through it and beyond it. Don't give yourself up in the process.


Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute: