Going...Going...Gone

Things
It's been three weeks since my mother-in-law passed away.

My father-in-law was not being taken care of well in the Veteran's Home so he is going back to his house.

My semester is almost over and the summer off approaches.

My husband is dealing with his mother's death a little easier now.

My dad had menengitis last year which has left him brain damaged.

I am still working out with weights and really seeing the results.

I am editing my book and nearly finished with it.

I have talked to friends from Poteau for two days now. How weird that I have friends from there as bad as it was.

It got down to 28 degrees last night.

A friend of Rylee's that is also taking drum lessons wanted to challenge Rylee to a drum off and her friends teachers told her to forget it, Rylee would kick her rear all over the place.

Mother's Day approaches.

I'm getting ready to redo Rylee's bedroom.

I'm tanned.

Nothing funny has happened for a long time and I wish it would!

I bought 4 pairs of shoes and 2 dresses!

I want to dance in my lovely, new, dress with shoes to match!

That's it!

DON’T MOURN by s. streight

Don’t mourn for what is lost
nor look behind in grief
Don’t cry, for what once was
the past we can’t repeat.

But live within, the here and now
new memories do occur
The old unseats, the new entreats
begging us to come forward

After all, just a razors breadth
separate the pair
The old that was, the new to come
kiss and become best friends.

Doing Better

Hubby is doing better although it will take a long time for the grief to pass. He said he realized he had never grieved before, for anything; not even his divorce or loss of his grandmother he was very close to. Now he knows what it is to be human because even though he felt compassion for others, he had no empthay.

DEEP INSIDE by s. streight

Tears cried from deep inside
Anguish billowing outward
Tattered refrains, embellished pain
Seared with conscious effort
Memories hide within the mind
Refusing to be hidden
Outward appearance, inward perseverance
harden into one
Tortured soul no longer whole
Someone dear is missing
Tattered breath lost in death
Insanity now takes hold.

THOUGH by s. streight

Though he utters not a word
Anguish in his voice
Though he sees not a thing
Sadness in his eyes
Though he perceives not a sound
one voice bids him calling
Though he feels nothingness
Torture in his soul
Though he’s ceased to taste sweet life
Bitterness in his mouth
Though I see him, feel him, touch him
Inside, invisible
And so I bid a sad farewell
To the one I knew
uttering now, a bitter hello
to the man, that now unfolds. (still working on this one)

What Do I Do?

As I stated in my last post, my husband's mother passed away unexpectedly last week. I knew he would grieve. I knew he was a mamma's boy, but he's taking it too far I think. He's treating the rest of us like we don't exist, like no one ever existed but his mom. He's saying his heart is lost forever and he won't feel love ever again, that he doesn't like anything anymore. When I jokingly said, "Not even me?" He said, "Who are you?" I've had someone very close to me die unexpectedly also. I know the shock of it, but I didn't push the ones still living away acting as if they didn't mean anything to me. I'm his wife. It hurts to hear him say those things over and over. I'm trying to understand it's just his grief, but what does his love for me have to do with her death? He's talking like he can't love anyone else, that he's incapable of loving anyone else ever again. I always knew he cared much more deeply for blood than he did marriage. It's sad I think. How could this death make him feel like he can't love the people he supposedly loved before she died? I don't get it.

Has anyone had this experience? How do you deal with it when it's nonstop?

WHERE WAS I? by s. streight

I wish I could have been there by your side
close to you the day she died
and then again, on the day
the day you stood there by her grave.

I wish when reality hit you in the face
I wish, how I wish I could have taken your place
to shield you from this terrible blow
loosen the grip of life’s hurtful throes.

But I wasn’t, I was not there
the day you stood and stared, just stared
at the casket where she lay
on that fateful, fateful day.

Though in body I was not there
across the miles I felt despair
the solemn cry of one alone
the cry of one who’d lost a home.

I feel! I know! I let you down
the day they placed her in the ground
the day they lay her soul to rest
the day I failed to give my best.

We just got back from Oklahoma. My husbands mother died unexpectedly a week ago today. She was just short of turning 77 in May. It was a sad time for all involved, especially her children. The time of grieving will go on for a time and hopefully, healing will follow close on the heels of grief; until then, it will be hard for them.

A nice aspect of the whole situation was the coming together of family members from both sides that had not seen each other in a long time. Too bad it takes something this dire to bring all back for a reunion. I also got to see my kids, a little treat on the side in such a situation as this.

I guess that's it. Hopefully the next post will be on a happier note.