Update
Son was caught shoplifting Valentine evening; this of course, after I had given him $35 to buy his girlfriend something. He had a CD and some pens. He tried to get away and they cuffed him. They didn't press charges, but applied something called Civil Demand.
In the State of Indiana, if a person is caught shoplifting (class D felony theft or conversion) a pack of gum, then the Indiana Code requires that person to pay the retailer $300.00 minimum. If the amount of items stolen is more than $300.00, then the shoplifter may be required to pay up to three times the actual amount of damages incurred. This includes hourly wages, court time, attorney's fees, mileage, medical / miscellaneous expenses and the value of the merchandise stolen! The retailer does not even have to prosecute the crime! Most retailers do not prosecute for fear of civil liability. All one must do is send a letter which states the current law for that state and collect the funds! If the subject fails to respond, then a body attachment warrant will be issued. Normally the bond for this arrest is the amount due.
This is called civil demand. This "fee" is meant to pay for the security staff and equipment, but normally is only added to the profit margin of the company. Most "Loss Prevention" personnel are seen as a liability to most large corporation store managers. This is because large corporations such as Wal-Mart or Macy's would rather lose an acceptable amount of inventory than face a potentially expensive lawsuit. When Inventory levels are extremely high, as with Wal-Mart, losing $3,000 per week is only a small drop in the bucket compared to the profit margin (the RICH'S in Atlanta sells $3,500 stain glass lamps measuring about 12 inches high!).
So, his little shoplifting spree will cost him $300 dollars. I am insisting that he pay the amount somehow. We've already paid $1500 to a lawyer for 1) him getting caught egging the D.A.s house and some other peoples, 2) being arrested for pointing a gun in a parking lot (it was a toy gun on Halloween). Then he stayed all night with a friend and got caught out past curfew.
He wants to move out before he graduates. He's asked us to sign for an apartment if he gets a job. His dad told him he would do that, but first he had to pay half the lawyers bill and the entire shoplifting bill, and go to counseling. I added that he would have to put the apartment in his name when he turned 18. I don't think there's much chance of him getting a job that will pay rent and everything else too. He'll be 18 in August so why can't he just wait.
Before all this was discussed, he implied that he would sell drugs to get money. I've told his dad over and over Son had way too much stuff for the small amount he was getting from us. He insisted Son was not stealing. I knew he was. He has blinders on about all this.
My son went through a stealing period at 13. I made him take the stuff back to the guy. He was lucky and the guy didn't press charges against him. It was hard to accomplish because he did this kind of stuff when he went to his dad's and hung out with his step-brothers. I finally told my ex that my son would not be going back if he didn't keep better watch than that. He was also letting him hang out with a 16 year old kid and allowing him to stay out past midnight. Ex said he let him because his step-brothers got to. We worked together and got him under control.
On the other hand, Son stole from the mall at age 11. I told him he needed to take the stuff back and face the consequences. His dad told him he would have to take it back but never made him. He told him he had to do all the housework and was grounded and blah, blah, blah, but never did anything about it nor would he let me. He just kept telling me this was "normal" boy stuff. POOH!!!!
Press forward 7 years and Son is now 17. Beginning at the age of 10 he skipped school and was picked up by the police. He choked a kid on the bus and was kicked off. He threw foil at the bus driver and was kicked off. He unlatched the bus driver’s seat belt while he was driving and was kicked off. He practically lived in detention. He kicked and hit me at the age of 11 and called me a bitch. At 12 he told me his dad was having an affair. At 14 he kicked at me again and tried to hit me. He threatened to kill his little sister who is 6 years younger than him in the middle of the night. Last year he called me a whore and a bitch in front of his dad. His dad and my husband did nothing. He's pounded his little sister and hit his dad. He calls his dad names. He calls his other sister a whore and bitch and has gone around school lying about her. He steals from his sisters. And in all of this, his dad has done nothing but make excuses for him. We've had him in counseling 2 different times and I recommended to his school counselor that she see him. My daughter had to get a job in her Senior year, but not Son.
Oh, it's just too much! I blame much of this on his dad because he would not discipline him nor has Son ever faced the consequences for his actions. I was not allowed to discipline him either. I've raised this boy from the age of 4, almost 5 and known him since he was 2. I was warned by others that his dad always blamed everyone else, that Son was never the one. My daughters and I just had to take it. I nearly left my husband over the one a year ago because he allowed Son to call me a whore and bitch and then told me it was a "blood thing", that's why he didn't do anything about it. I have not left because I love the kid and my husband and I just can't give up. I'm all Son has in the way of trying to teach him about anything. I finally told my husband that I was going to treat Son just like I had mine, that I would no longer listen to him and if he wanted to leave because of that to not let the door hit him in the rear on the way out. I have to do what is right for the boy (nearly a man) and should have all along. I just didn't see how though. Now, I don't care. Threats no longer have a hold over me. I've discussed this with Son and he knows and so does his dad.
I think his real mom is part of the problem. I don't have it figured out, but when Son was 11 he came to me and asked if it would hurt me if he had a relationship with his mom. I told him no. His mom didn't respond how he hoped she would though. She ignored him and somewhere in there he began taking it out on me. Also, he was the only child of 5 that was not biologically mine. He is also bi-racial being Caucasian and Filipino. He built all of this up in his mind such as, My real mom ignores me, I'm the only bi-racial kid in the family, I'm the only kid that doesn't belong to my step-mom, etc. Add to that no discipline from his dad and me not being allowed to discipline him for so many years, and what a combustible mixture you have!
More Later.
Son was caught shoplifting Valentine evening; this of course, after I had given him $35 to buy his girlfriend something. He had a CD and some pens. He tried to get away and they cuffed him. They didn't press charges, but applied something called Civil Demand.
In the State of Indiana, if a person is caught shoplifting (class D felony theft or conversion) a pack of gum, then the Indiana Code requires that person to pay the retailer $300.00 minimum. If the amount of items stolen is more than $300.00, then the shoplifter may be required to pay up to three times the actual amount of damages incurred. This includes hourly wages, court time, attorney's fees, mileage, medical / miscellaneous expenses and the value of the merchandise stolen! The retailer does not even have to prosecute the crime! Most retailers do not prosecute for fear of civil liability. All one must do is send a letter which states the current law for that state and collect the funds! If the subject fails to respond, then a body attachment warrant will be issued. Normally the bond for this arrest is the amount due.
This is called civil demand. This "fee" is meant to pay for the security staff and equipment, but normally is only added to the profit margin of the company. Most "Loss Prevention" personnel are seen as a liability to most large corporation store managers. This is because large corporations such as Wal-Mart or Macy's would rather lose an acceptable amount of inventory than face a potentially expensive lawsuit. When Inventory levels are extremely high, as with Wal-Mart, losing $3,000 per week is only a small drop in the bucket compared to the profit margin (the RICH'S in Atlanta sells $3,500 stain glass lamps measuring about 12 inches high!).
So, his little shoplifting spree will cost him $300 dollars. I am insisting that he pay the amount somehow. We've already paid $1500 to a lawyer for 1) him getting caught egging the D.A.s house and some other peoples, 2) being arrested for pointing a gun in a parking lot (it was a toy gun on Halloween). Then he stayed all night with a friend and got caught out past curfew.
He wants to move out before he graduates. He's asked us to sign for an apartment if he gets a job. His dad told him he would do that, but first he had to pay half the lawyers bill and the entire shoplifting bill, and go to counseling. I added that he would have to put the apartment in his name when he turned 18. I don't think there's much chance of him getting a job that will pay rent and everything else too. He'll be 18 in August so why can't he just wait.
Before all this was discussed, he implied that he would sell drugs to get money. I've told his dad over and over Son had way too much stuff for the small amount he was getting from us. He insisted Son was not stealing. I knew he was. He has blinders on about all this.
My son went through a stealing period at 13. I made him take the stuff back to the guy. He was lucky and the guy didn't press charges against him. It was hard to accomplish because he did this kind of stuff when he went to his dad's and hung out with his step-brothers. I finally told my ex that my son would not be going back if he didn't keep better watch than that. He was also letting him hang out with a 16 year old kid and allowing him to stay out past midnight. Ex said he let him because his step-brothers got to. We worked together and got him under control.
On the other hand, Son stole from the mall at age 11. I told him he needed to take the stuff back and face the consequences. His dad told him he would have to take it back but never made him. He told him he had to do all the housework and was grounded and blah, blah, blah, but never did anything about it nor would he let me. He just kept telling me this was "normal" boy stuff. POOH!!!!
Press forward 7 years and Son is now 17. Beginning at the age of 10 he skipped school and was picked up by the police. He choked a kid on the bus and was kicked off. He threw foil at the bus driver and was kicked off. He unlatched the bus driver’s seat belt while he was driving and was kicked off. He practically lived in detention. He kicked and hit me at the age of 11 and called me a bitch. At 12 he told me his dad was having an affair. At 14 he kicked at me again and tried to hit me. He threatened to kill his little sister who is 6 years younger than him in the middle of the night. Last year he called me a whore and a bitch in front of his dad. His dad and my husband did nothing. He's pounded his little sister and hit his dad. He calls his dad names. He calls his other sister a whore and bitch and has gone around school lying about her. He steals from his sisters. And in all of this, his dad has done nothing but make excuses for him. We've had him in counseling 2 different times and I recommended to his school counselor that she see him. My daughter had to get a job in her Senior year, but not Son.
Oh, it's just too much! I blame much of this on his dad because he would not discipline him nor has Son ever faced the consequences for his actions. I was not allowed to discipline him either. I've raised this boy from the age of 4, almost 5 and known him since he was 2. I was warned by others that his dad always blamed everyone else, that Son was never the one. My daughters and I just had to take it. I nearly left my husband over the one a year ago because he allowed Son to call me a whore and bitch and then told me it was a "blood thing", that's why he didn't do anything about it. I have not left because I love the kid and my husband and I just can't give up. I'm all Son has in the way of trying to teach him about anything. I finally told my husband that I was going to treat Son just like I had mine, that I would no longer listen to him and if he wanted to leave because of that to not let the door hit him in the rear on the way out. I have to do what is right for the boy (nearly a man) and should have all along. I just didn't see how though. Now, I don't care. Threats no longer have a hold over me. I've discussed this with Son and he knows and so does his dad.
I think his real mom is part of the problem. I don't have it figured out, but when Son was 11 he came to me and asked if it would hurt me if he had a relationship with his mom. I told him no. His mom didn't respond how he hoped she would though. She ignored him and somewhere in there he began taking it out on me. Also, he was the only child of 5 that was not biologically mine. He is also bi-racial being Caucasian and Filipino. He built all of this up in his mind such as, My real mom ignores me, I'm the only bi-racial kid in the family, I'm the only kid that doesn't belong to my step-mom, etc. Add to that no discipline from his dad and me not being allowed to discipline him for so many years, and what a combustible mixture you have!
More Later.
posted by Mines Broken @ Monday, February 16, 2004
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home