Poem of the Day
REJECTION
I try to love you, to be all I can
you shove and push and pull me away
rejecting my love for fantasy’s of your own
living your life in abject obscurity.
Do you know what it means to love?
Can you envelope the way of the beast?
Does the passion for another stir
within your breast or lie dormant?
Others displease you with their imperfections
leaving you vulnerable, facing rejection
looking for weaknesses, always on the watch
pitching a fit with self-pitying clarity.
Distrust envelopes your soul
Self-pity shatters your trust
Imperfections cloud your senses
illuminating weaknesses within your foes.
Oh, if the world were the way you view it
a wary place with hypocrites roaming
a sadder place could not be forthcoming
nor a heavier load placed on weary shoulders.
What The Heck?
I have a friend who is a softball coach at the college level. He's a young guy and when I met him, he had just been married a year. When he and his wife met, she was an All American pitcher on a college softball team. He was the assistant coach and also taught at the local middle school.
They get married after having known each other several years. Now, in his mind, he's a college coach looking to better himself, move up to head coach at a four-year university. In her mind, he's an assistant coach, a middle school teacher, and she wants to stay right where she is, with Mama. He gets a job as head coach at a two-year college and she doesn't want to leave Mama, but does. She is only separated by an hour or two. Hubby's goal of becomming head coach at a four-year college and Wifey’s goal to stay tied to Mama's apron strings do not mesh.
They decide to have a baby and Wife gets pregnant. Husband gets a job in South Texas at a four year university as head coach. Now we get to the good part. Wife tells husband that she doesn't want to move to a place so far from home and says she'll have the baby where Mama can help her and then come. This idea lasts two seconds. She calls hubby, gives him an ultimatum to quit his job and move back to a place where he has no job, no potential for growth in his career and on top of that, it’s a VERY small town; because she will never leave Mama again, this is the life she wants. He says he's not sure he wants to give up on his career that soon in life and he loves her, can't they discuss this?
She answered him by filing a divorce two weeks later without even telling him. He learned about it from a friend. They are now divorced with a child that is to be born any day. My question is, why did she decide to have a child with him if she could drop her feelings for him that quickly? That's his question too and he wants the baby to be DNA tested to see if it really is his because he doesn't think she would have been that willing to leave if she did not have someone else. He said to me that, "What did she think? She knew I was a coach when she met and then married me."
This is the problem: When people meet and decide to marry, most of them never discuss their individual goals. They each have a different vision about the other and assume something on their part that may or may not be true. His wife's vision of what their life would be like together centered around what they were doing when they met. She assumed he'd just keep being assistant coach forever and keep being a teacher at an alternative middle school forever and she could stay in her hometown, live next door to Mama, Grandma and sister's forever and live happily forever.
He thought that since she played softball and he was an assistant coach with desires to move into head coach that she would just know he wanted to move on to bigger and better things, that he would not be happy forever staying assistant coach nor a teacher in an alternative school, and since she had played on a high level, would just naturally know that a coach was gone a whole lot. So when something big came up, like moving 1,000 miles from Mama, Wifey was not in love with Hubby enough to keep the commitment she made when she married him; thus a divorce took place that took him by surprise. Perhaps, had they discussed what each wanted out of life and each other, how the individual goals could fit together or not, the end result may have turned out differently.
The thing that struck me was this guy loved his wife and said so. He did not like to be away from her for long, so he always made arrangements where she could go with him. Mama even tagged along with them to Hawaii. He said she had a right to happiness too and when she began to complain about moving from Mama the first time, he tried to find a fulfilling position closer to her mom. She on the other hand, continued to tell him to apply for head coach jobs and when one panned out, bolted.
Two years is not a long time to be married. The mistake; assuming the other understood about individual goals without discussing how those individual goals would fit into a marriage and the inability to negotiate a solution. Not compromise a solution, but negotiate a solution. There is a huge difference between the two.
Ah, well, my heart goes out to him.
Post Script:
Baby is born, a girl. Now the true drama begins.
REJECTION
I try to love you, to be all I can
you shove and push and pull me away
rejecting my love for fantasy’s of your own
living your life in abject obscurity.
Do you know what it means to love?
Can you envelope the way of the beast?
Does the passion for another stir
within your breast or lie dormant?
Others displease you with their imperfections
leaving you vulnerable, facing rejection
looking for weaknesses, always on the watch
pitching a fit with self-pitying clarity.
Distrust envelopes your soul
Self-pity shatters your trust
Imperfections cloud your senses
illuminating weaknesses within your foes.
Oh, if the world were the way you view it
a wary place with hypocrites roaming
a sadder place could not be forthcoming
nor a heavier load placed on weary shoulders.
What The Heck?
I have a friend who is a softball coach at the college level. He's a young guy and when I met him, he had just been married a year. When he and his wife met, she was an All American pitcher on a college softball team. He was the assistant coach and also taught at the local middle school.
They get married after having known each other several years. Now, in his mind, he's a college coach looking to better himself, move up to head coach at a four-year university. In her mind, he's an assistant coach, a middle school teacher, and she wants to stay right where she is, with Mama. He gets a job as head coach at a two-year college and she doesn't want to leave Mama, but does. She is only separated by an hour or two. Hubby's goal of becomming head coach at a four-year college and Wifey’s goal to stay tied to Mama's apron strings do not mesh.
They decide to have a baby and Wife gets pregnant. Husband gets a job in South Texas at a four year university as head coach. Now we get to the good part. Wife tells husband that she doesn't want to move to a place so far from home and says she'll have the baby where Mama can help her and then come. This idea lasts two seconds. She calls hubby, gives him an ultimatum to quit his job and move back to a place where he has no job, no potential for growth in his career and on top of that, it’s a VERY small town; because she will never leave Mama again, this is the life she wants. He says he's not sure he wants to give up on his career that soon in life and he loves her, can't they discuss this?
She answered him by filing a divorce two weeks later without even telling him. He learned about it from a friend. They are now divorced with a child that is to be born any day. My question is, why did she decide to have a child with him if she could drop her feelings for him that quickly? That's his question too and he wants the baby to be DNA tested to see if it really is his because he doesn't think she would have been that willing to leave if she did not have someone else. He said to me that, "What did she think? She knew I was a coach when she met and then married me."
This is the problem: When people meet and decide to marry, most of them never discuss their individual goals. They each have a different vision about the other and assume something on their part that may or may not be true. His wife's vision of what their life would be like together centered around what they were doing when they met. She assumed he'd just keep being assistant coach forever and keep being a teacher at an alternative middle school forever and she could stay in her hometown, live next door to Mama, Grandma and sister's forever and live happily forever.
He thought that since she played softball and he was an assistant coach with desires to move into head coach that she would just know he wanted to move on to bigger and better things, that he would not be happy forever staying assistant coach nor a teacher in an alternative school, and since she had played on a high level, would just naturally know that a coach was gone a whole lot. So when something big came up, like moving 1,000 miles from Mama, Wifey was not in love with Hubby enough to keep the commitment she made when she married him; thus a divorce took place that took him by surprise. Perhaps, had they discussed what each wanted out of life and each other, how the individual goals could fit together or not, the end result may have turned out differently.
The thing that struck me was this guy loved his wife and said so. He did not like to be away from her for long, so he always made arrangements where she could go with him. Mama even tagged along with them to Hawaii. He said she had a right to happiness too and when she began to complain about moving from Mama the first time, he tried to find a fulfilling position closer to her mom. She on the other hand, continued to tell him to apply for head coach jobs and when one panned out, bolted.
Two years is not a long time to be married. The mistake; assuming the other understood about individual goals without discussing how those individual goals would fit into a marriage and the inability to negotiate a solution. Not compromise a solution, but negotiate a solution. There is a huge difference between the two.
Ah, well, my heart goes out to him.
Post Script:
Baby is born, a girl. Now the true drama begins.
posted by Mines Broken @ Thursday, January 29, 2004
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