Going...Going...Gone

Poem of the Day

MAKE BELIEVE SON

Hey little boy, my make believe son
at our expense, you’re having fun
pulling this family, far apart
just like you’ve done, from the very start.

Even though I’ve given love
you go around and pull the plug
you distance yourself and won’t accept
give nothing back, except disrespect.

I think it’s time, you stopped with the flap
pulling dad in, is nothing but crap
playing him, till he chooses sides
while you stand by and snicker inside.

You’re hurting this family, in case you don’t know
and too self-involved to try to grow
it’s time to stop, step up to the plate
stop being so selfish before it’s too late.

Rock-Bottom

My step-son is sliding toward rock-bottom. I've know him since he was only two and raised him since 4 years old. I don't care that he's not mine, but he seems to. He's told me before that he's my make believe son because out of five kids he was the only one that was not mine. We've had him in counseling before, but there is a certain type of kid who can con the counselor into believing all is well when in fact, nothing is good. This son is such a kid. I've had him drug tested before. When warranted, I've investigated his room and car. I figure that as a parent, it is my responsibility to send my kids out into the world in the best shape I can; hopefully drug free, functioning, responsible, honest and ethical people. What they do after they leave me is up to them.

So, here we go again, but this time, it is worse in one sense. He's into drugs. I've taken 2 marijuana pipes from him. He's over-dosed on of all things, Dramamine, (it's supposed to cause hallucinations) he's taking over-the-counter cold medicine, (the effect of dextromethorphan) smoking, and most probably, stealing if what I found was any evidence. He's bringing illegal substances into my house and right or wrong, I'm not going to jail for what he's doing. He's very disrespectful and uncaring toward anyone but his friends and himself and is heavily into gangster hip hop, baggy pants, and long hair (so he can braid it like his favorite gangsta) He’s not into gangs that I know of (I snoop. He wants to act like he is though, to be cool.) In essence, he’s hood wanna-be. He's into a lot more, but it's depressing to go into all of it. Suffice to say that he becomes addicted easily and has many addictions.

In the past he's displayed violence toward his sister 6 years younger and toward me. He's been in trouble with the police and we've shelled money out for lawyers and such. He's in his last year of school and getting him through is like pulling teeth. He has an IQ of 160, but you wouldn't know it. His problems in school are not due to inability, but to lack of organization and caring if it gets done or not. He leaves his drug stuff out in plain sight even after I've told him I am making his business mine if he can't behave and will search his room. Why does he do this? My thoughts; 1) He’s stupid, 2) He thinks we're stupid; 3) He doesn't care. In truth, it's probably all three.

So, he comes in last Saturday saying he had paid $4 apiece for someone else’s depression pills. I do think and have always believed that he is truly depressed, much of it because he refuses to take responsibility for his own actions and silly choices. Every action has a consequence whether good or bad. He has not caught on. Now he wants us to take him to the doctor to get drugs for depression. I think going to the doctor again would be a good idea (he’s already been 2 or 3 times before.) His dad thinks he wants legal drugs so he can sell them. I don’t know.

Anyway, for years he has had few consequences for anything he's done. The one time he suffered a consequence, he straightened up for a long time, and at least he wasn't violent like before. Now the roof is going to crash in on his head because his dad finally thinks enough is enough. He came to this conclusion much later than I did; say like, 8 years later. Hopefully, it's not too late. Time will tell.

This may be a very simple view of life, but my observation is that there are only 2 ways to go in life, 2 actions, just two and that is; it either will or it won't. Think about it. You either graduate or you don't. You're marriage will either make it or it won't. Your job is what you want or it isn't. You take drugs or you don't. You can drink responsibly or you can't. Get it? Everything in-between is just working toward one of those points; leaning toward one or the other.

What does this view have to do with my son? Like I said, he either will, or he won't. I pray he will.