Poem of the Day
Two years old; diaper creakin’
runnin’ around; hidin’, seekin’.
Next comes three and all that shriekin’
chocolate milk, hey my diapers leakin’!
Five’s a big time in your life
an only child; dad’s got a wife
brothers; sisters now abound
step-mom’s tummy, getting’ round.
Life moves on I’m fifteen now
playin’ basketball; hey, that’s a foul!
Time will tell what I’ll become
educated or a bum.
Someone Else's Child
It's hard. It's hard to raise someone else's child and the younger you get them, the harder it is. You're given the responsibilities of a parent, but you don't have the legality of a parent. You wipe the noses and dry the tears and are the first attacked by both the child and their parent for anything that goes wrong.
I've known my step-son since he was two and have been actively involved in his life since he was four. He's 17 now. Consenting to becoming a step-parent is one decision that should be considered very carefully! Few people consider this when deciding to marry. You are not just marrying the person, but any children they have as well. And, the same goes for them.
When children come from a divorced home and their parent remarries, the children learn very quickly how to play a game I call the Divorce Game. This game consists of the child or children playing parent against parent or parent against step-parent. The child wins much of the time. Even when you're onto their game, there is a tendency to recognize it in the spouse’s child more often than in your own and, vice-versa.
This game never ends if all parents involved don't stop the game the child is playing immediately! It has to be a team effort between natural parents and step-parents. Children will involve grandparents in this game too and then all hell breaks loose. When the child is allowed to play this game, the step-parent is the first to go down. All is blamed on them, they become a wicked step-parent out to do the precious child harm and it doesn't matter how old that child is either.
There are some wicked step-parents just as there are some wicked natural parents. Most of the time however, this just is not the case. I don't know what the answer is, but I do know that you cannot be asked to step into the absent parents shoes for tears and scraped knees and illness and love and care and be told to back off when the child needs discipline. Neither can you ask someone else to do that.
I've been the mother for 13 years. I've taken care of the asthma, sickness, tears, scrapes, and everything else that goes along with being a mother. However, I have not been allowed to go beyond that. I've been there for all this time, but I'm not a legal guardian. In the end, Dad makes the decisions whether I agree or not. I have been hit, kicked, called a slut, bitch, whore, yelled at numerous times that, "You're not my mom," and run over by both child and husband because the boy is not mine. I have been told that it's blood that counts.
On the other hand, I have not been granted the same consideration with my own children. My son was not allowed by step-dad to eat his own birthday cake because step-dad decided he didn't deserve it for sassing me, yet he watched and listened while his son called me a bitch and whore, told me he wished I'd die, and dad did absolutely noting.
There has been such an unfair balance between step and real that at times, it has almost been the undoing of the marriage. This even extends to "our" daughter, my husbands and mine. Even though she is his natural child, even she has had to prove what she has accused her big brother of doing to her. I might add that big brother is 6 years older than little sister. I have come to learn over all this time that dad will do nothing to son, but much to everyone else.
Well, to say the least, it's a burden. Step-son has turned out to be so much more than I bargained for when I looked into his little face and he asked; "Can I call you mudder?" I have loved him like my own, but have not been allowed to treat or discipline him like my own.
My children, and I have 4 natural, are all upstanding citizens holding down good jobs. My last is still at home, but I have no doubt she too will grow up to do the same because she has me. She has some of the same innate traits that her brother has, but she has me to balance them out. And, guess what, dad doesn't interfere. It's only son that he seems to have an unnatural obsession about. He just can't say no to him and expects nothing from him in the way of behavior or really, anything else. He says nothing would have worked with Son. I say POOH.....
Only by working together for the good of all and the by the grace of God can a mixed family become a true family. You have to be willing to stay in it for the long haul because of your love for all involved.
Two years old; diaper creakin’
runnin’ around; hidin’, seekin’.
Next comes three and all that shriekin’
chocolate milk, hey my diapers leakin’!
Five’s a big time in your life
an only child; dad’s got a wife
brothers; sisters now abound
step-mom’s tummy, getting’ round.
Life moves on I’m fifteen now
playin’ basketball; hey, that’s a foul!
Time will tell what I’ll become
educated or a bum.
Someone Else's Child
It's hard. It's hard to raise someone else's child and the younger you get them, the harder it is. You're given the responsibilities of a parent, but you don't have the legality of a parent. You wipe the noses and dry the tears and are the first attacked by both the child and their parent for anything that goes wrong.
I've known my step-son since he was two and have been actively involved in his life since he was four. He's 17 now. Consenting to becoming a step-parent is one decision that should be considered very carefully! Few people consider this when deciding to marry. You are not just marrying the person, but any children they have as well. And, the same goes for them.
When children come from a divorced home and their parent remarries, the children learn very quickly how to play a game I call the Divorce Game. This game consists of the child or children playing parent against parent or parent against step-parent. The child wins much of the time. Even when you're onto their game, there is a tendency to recognize it in the spouse’s child more often than in your own and, vice-versa.
This game never ends if all parents involved don't stop the game the child is playing immediately! It has to be a team effort between natural parents and step-parents. Children will involve grandparents in this game too and then all hell breaks loose. When the child is allowed to play this game, the step-parent is the first to go down. All is blamed on them, they become a wicked step-parent out to do the precious child harm and it doesn't matter how old that child is either.
There are some wicked step-parents just as there are some wicked natural parents. Most of the time however, this just is not the case. I don't know what the answer is, but I do know that you cannot be asked to step into the absent parents shoes for tears and scraped knees and illness and love and care and be told to back off when the child needs discipline. Neither can you ask someone else to do that.
I've been the mother for 13 years. I've taken care of the asthma, sickness, tears, scrapes, and everything else that goes along with being a mother. However, I have not been allowed to go beyond that. I've been there for all this time, but I'm not a legal guardian. In the end, Dad makes the decisions whether I agree or not. I have been hit, kicked, called a slut, bitch, whore, yelled at numerous times that, "You're not my mom," and run over by both child and husband because the boy is not mine. I have been told that it's blood that counts.
On the other hand, I have not been granted the same consideration with my own children. My son was not allowed by step-dad to eat his own birthday cake because step-dad decided he didn't deserve it for sassing me, yet he watched and listened while his son called me a bitch and whore, told me he wished I'd die, and dad did absolutely noting.
There has been such an unfair balance between step and real that at times, it has almost been the undoing of the marriage. This even extends to "our" daughter, my husbands and mine. Even though she is his natural child, even she has had to prove what she has accused her big brother of doing to her. I might add that big brother is 6 years older than little sister. I have come to learn over all this time that dad will do nothing to son, but much to everyone else.
Well, to say the least, it's a burden. Step-son has turned out to be so much more than I bargained for when I looked into his little face and he asked; "Can I call you mudder?" I have loved him like my own, but have not been allowed to treat or discipline him like my own.
My children, and I have 4 natural, are all upstanding citizens holding down good jobs. My last is still at home, but I have no doubt she too will grow up to do the same because she has me. She has some of the same innate traits that her brother has, but she has me to balance them out. And, guess what, dad doesn't interfere. It's only son that he seems to have an unnatural obsession about. He just can't say no to him and expects nothing from him in the way of behavior or really, anything else. He says nothing would have worked with Son. I say POOH.....
Only by working together for the good of all and the by the grace of God can a mixed family become a true family. You have to be willing to stay in it for the long haul because of your love for all involved.
posted by Mines Broken @ Friday, February 20, 2004
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home